Where I share my love of books with reviews, features, giveaways and memes. Family and needlepoint are thrown in from time to time.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Life 1-14-09

I feel like I have been absent from this community for the last few days. Normally I don't blog about family, personal stuff, but I want to share this. Yesterday I had a bad day where I just finally hit the wall.. I actually told my husband (well, let's be honest - I yelled at my husband over the phone) and told him that I no longer wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. That I was sick of SpongeBob and playing cars, and little boys who wouldn't get dressed, or eat, or get their hair brushed to get to the bus on time. Not a real proud moment in my life. In addition to my 4 year old son, I have also raised two beautiful teenage girls. But I was not a stay at home mom with them. When I quit my job to stay at home with my son, I did not realize that it was going to be so hard. (Kudos to all those moms at home - and especially to those that homeschool - I don't know how you do it.) Well, I got my boy off to school and had a couple of hours to sulk - and eat chocolate - and try to bounce back.

Now, flash forward to today. I was supposed to start the second half of a Precept Bible Study on Isaiah this morning (if anyone is familiar with precepts, you know that it has ALOT of homework). I came to the realization this morning, that this was not the study I needed - so I jumped classes at my church and crashed a course called Sweeter than Chocolate. It is a study on just Psalm 119. The calm began as soon as I made this choice. My son was still a handful at Bible study and did not want to go to childcare, but today I just sat and held him for awhile before I left him in his room at church. He is the "Star of the Week" this week in his Early Learning Program, so I was taking him to school today and spending the afternoon with him. I was not really looking forward to this after yesterday morning with him.. I was still holding on to some of that anger (I know, against a 4 year old! Shame on me!) I found myself relaxing at school and playing at the sensory table with him, and helping him cut out gingerbread men - but the absolute best time - and the reason for this post - was when he motioned for me to come over to him during PE, where him and a little girl where partnered for dancing - when I got to him, he made me bend over at which point he kissed me on the cheek and gave me a hug - then told me I could go back and watch. It melted my heart, and made me remember why I wanted to be a stay at home mom to begin with. These days are going to be gone before I know it and I am going to wonder why he doesn't want me to play cars with him anymore.... Sometimes it's hard, but who cares if I don't get to blog every day - or if I am a day late with that book review - or the dishwasher doesn't get unloaded - or any of those lists of things that you think you have to do - I just have to remind myself - I am the Mom - so I am the Boss! and this stuff really isn't that important. It took God's love in the form of a small kiss on my cheek to restore peace to my heart, and for that I am thankful.


Cheryl Pitt said...

Amen, very well stated. As moms we've all held residual anger over things that, in the long run, don't truly matter. It's life, don't beat yourself up about it. The important thing is that you were able to recenter and move on. You're not alone, my son could tell you all kinds of stories about my not so proud moments...if I'd let him...LOL

Anna said...

You definitely aren't alone. I stayed at home with my daughter until she was 15 months. For financial reasons, I had to go to work. I remember days when my husband would come home from work and I would cry and moan about how miserable I was changing diapers all day. And then she'd do something cute, and I'd feel so guilty. Then when I had to go to work, I wished I could be home with her. ((HUGS))

Diary of an Eccentric

The Bookworm said...

Its true, time does fly and before you know it they are all grown up.


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