Books and Needlepoint: The Marriage Project by Kathi Lipp (Book Review)

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Marriage Project by Kathi Lipp (Book Review)

Shared by Kristi

The Marriage Project

by Kathi Lipp

This hasn't been the easiest project for us to implement in our lives. Getting my husband to sit down and read a book has proved to be more challenging than I thought it would. I believe the rewards will be worth it though. We are just getting to the point where we are going to be able to sit down and start planning out our projects. I have already been thinking of some things to do on my own. We are definitely going to an arcade for one of our dates. It seems like we used to do that frequently when we were first dating and I don't know when we stopped. I loved challenging him to air hockey!

I did want to leave you with this passage from the book though - to set up the background a little, it is about Kathi's stepkids, Jeremy and Amanda - Jeremy was 17 and Amanda was 18. They were white-water rafting down the Russian River.

At one point on the trip, the raft hit white water, tossing all the passengers into the river. the guide, used to rough waters, stayed dry inside the raft. AsAmanda and Jeremy scrambled to gather up all the littlest passengers and get them into the boat, the guide told them, "No, adults go in first." this surprised Amand anad Jeremy, ut they obediently got onto the raft first. "If you spend lall of your energy putting those wet, wiggly kids into the boat, you won't have enough energy to get yourself into the raft. you have to get into the boat first." Once they were in the boat, it became easier to help the younger kids into the boat, bringing everyone to safety.

When the situation arrants, you must be willing to get into
the boat first. Yes, your kids need your time and attention. Yes, you must
do your best at work while you're there. But if you don't commit time to taking care of your marriage, not only are you missing out on the joys that a healthy Christ-centered relationship brings, your kids are missing out on the benefits of having parents who are crazy about each other. (Besides, what's the fun of having kids if you can't embarrass them by making out at the mall when they are around?) (p45-46, The Marriage Project)

I am definitely ready to get in the boat!
Please enjoy these Q & A from Kathi:

•Kathi, you talk about a time in your life when your marriage wasn’t all that you hoped for. What were some of the things that you wanted to improve in your own marriage?

Let me be clear – I love my husband Roger, but, this is a second marriage for both of us. I knew the statistics regarding remarriages are pretty bleak. But, I guess we were hoping that we would be the exception to the rule and would avoid all the drama – yeah, not so much… With both of us having two teens, plus both becoming step-parents to two teens, we had our challenges waiting for us.

That is when Roger came up with the watch word for our marriage – “Intentional”. Whatever problems came up we were going to deal with them head on – not avoid them as we both did in our first marriages. The Marriage Project is one of the results of that – being intentional about making it work.

•So, how does The Marriage Project work?

The Marriage Project is like a workout program for your marriage – only with less sweat and more chocolate. You commit to do fun and flirty things for 21 days to raise the temperature of your marriage – everything from flirty notes on the bathroom mirror to more lingerie in the bedroom. It is a little bit of work – and a whole lot of fun.

•How did you come up with the Projects?

We ran 40 projects past 200 couples – most of them at our church in San Jose, CA. The ones that had the biggest impact – usually involving food and sex – stayed, while some of the ones that had the least impact got tossed. That’s how we came up with 21 pretty solid projects that both the husbands and the wives felt were fun and had an impact on their relationship.

• Most couples already may feel overwhelmed, so how can they fit these projects into their already busy schedules?

Roger and I have real lives – lots of kids, little money, and even less time. So we made sure that the projects were as “doable” as possible. Most of the projects take less than five minutes.

• What’s the biggest reason that women stop putting effort into romancing their husbands?

Time was the overwhelming factor for the women – between kids and jobs, home responsibilities and other family, it was easy to let their relationship with their husbands go on auto pilot.

•How about the guys? What are some of the reasons a man may give up on romance?

Surprisingly, most of the men wanted more romance with their wives, but didn’t feel like they were doing it “right”. “Will she be mad if I get her the wrong kind of flowers?” “What if she doesn’t like the gift I got her?” “It doesn’t matter what I do, she isn’t going to like it anyways.” If felt like a lot of the men wanted to do the right thing, but felt overwhelmed by “getting it right”.

•You talk a lot about dating your mate in The Marriage Project. With all of the pressures of the economy, job stress, and family obligations, why do you think dating your spouse is so important?

Dating is what helps us fall in love in the first place. It is the thing that most married couples give up first after saying “I do.” But dating is a great way to take a little retreat from those things that can pull us away from each other. At first you may have to look at dating as a project – setting aside time, money and energy for something (or someone) that is important.

I know that it can be expensive to date, but if you are creative, you can have a fun date for under $20.

•Are there really dates you can do for less than $20?

Absolutely. In fact, we have a list on my website with 20 Dates for under $20.

•What about if you have kids? How can you keep those costs down with the expense of babysitting?

Starting January 15th, we are going to have great ideas on how to date with kids on my blog. You are going to love the ideas that all our readers are contributing!